Do you ever have those days where you ask yourself, “Who am I?” If not, I suppose you could consider yourself lucky? I mean, it either means that you know who you are or you are content just being. All I know is that this past summer has really got me questioning who I am.
I know that everyone makes mistakes, but most people learn from them, right? Ugh, you would think that I would have learned from all of my past mistakes, but recently I have just been losing myself left and right. I try to act put together and what not, but during those quiet moments, I have moments of panic and confusion. I don’t know why I do the things that I do, or do I? I know what I am doing and have consciously made the decision to do whatever that said thing is, but even though I know I shouldn’t, I do it anyways. It is an endless cycle of feeling bad and confused. All of these series of events have me asking myself,
Who the hell am I?
I used to be an innocent, school focused, motivated, determined individual, but now, I just don’t know who I am anymore.
I used to put God and family first, but lately I have been barely putting anything that significantly means anything to me first. I have been too busy trying to please people because I know what they want from me, but when I do that, I am left feeling useless and ultimately disgusted with myself.
As this new school year approaches, my goal is to find myself again. I need to find myself again. I need to focus on what is important and I need to focus on myself and my relationship with God.
I need to stop saying “yes” to everything and I need to stop worrying about other people and their life decisions. I am responsible for me and only me. I know that may seem selfish, but the truth is, that goes for you too, unless you are a guardian of someone. But in the end, you can’t control what other people think or do, you can only help guide and be responsible for your own actions.
I always wanted to grow up fast and be an adult, but as of right now, I would give up anything to be a carefree five year old again. I don’t even remember the last time when I was confident in who I was and knew who I was.
I also haven’t realized how much music, certain peer groups, and social media can change you. Some changes may be good, but some, not so much. I think everyone should try disconnecting and unplugging themselves from everything for at least one day in their lives. Who knows where it might lead. You may be surprised.
Anyways, I think I am done ranting for today hahah
May God bless and watch over YOU always.