I am the type of person who holds onto a lot.
Whether they may be good memories or bad ones.
I always try my hardest to look past the bad memories or dissect that memory and see what made that memory a bad one. I think about the individuals involved and my own actions that made an impact or a difference in the situation.
I am not perfect.
I make stupid mistakes all the time and some mistakes have not only changed my life but the lives of others.
The memories that I hold and the mistakes that I make tend to hit me like a ton of bricks when I least expect them to and it lingers around in whatever space I have left in my mind.
Some memories tear me a part inside because deep down only I know what happened during that time and no one else would ever understand the emotions, actions, and words that were involved.
Sometimes I feel like I live two different lives and I hate it. Lately I have been trying to make peace with my past and my mistakes. I am trying to piece together a life that I can be proud of and be able to own up to all my actions and decisions. I can only do the best that I can with this one life that I have.
Now I know my New Year’s Resolution was to not live in the past and dwell on it, but this is a me that is trying to heal and cope with all of it. I am facing it head on and finally being ok with it. Making peace with my decisions and actions, personally, is the best remedy.
My goal is to not be afraid of my past and not let it hold me down. I personally feel like the only way that can happen is if I make peace with it. I guess we will see how well that goes….
May God bless and watch over YOU always ❤