Making Peace With My Past

I am the type of person who holds onto a lot.

Whether they may be good memories or bad ones.

I always try my hardest to look past the bad memories or dissect that memory and see what made that memory a bad one.  I think about the individuals involved and my own actions that made an impact or a difference in the situation.

I am not perfect.

I make stupid mistakes all the time and some mistakes have not only changed my life but the lives of others.

The memories that I hold and the mistakes that I make tend to hit me like a ton of bricks when I least expect them to and it lingers around in whatever space I have left in my mind.

Some memories tear me a part inside because deep down only I know what happened during that time and no one else would ever understand the emotions, actions, and words that were involved.

Sometimes I feel like I live two different lives and I hate it. Lately I have been trying to make peace with my past and my mistakes.  I am trying to piece together a life that I can be proud of and be able to own up to all my actions and decisions.  I can only do the best that I can with this one life that I have.

Now I know my New Year’s Resolution was to not live in the past and dwell on it, but this is a me  that is trying to heal and cope with all of it.  I am facing it head on and finally being ok with it. Making peace with my decisions and actions, personally, is the best remedy.

My goal is to not be afraid of my past and not let it hold me down.  I personally feel like the only way that can happen is if I make peace with it.  I guess we will see how well that goes….

May God bless and watch over YOU always ❤

-Jen

 

Love?

Oh Valentine’s Day, aka Single Awareness Day…….

broken

I can honestly say that I have never had a serious valentine before.

I do not feel sad about it, but rather indifferent.

I am happy for those who have someone special to cherish on this “love filled” day.

Do I sometimes wish that I had someone special? Well…. yes… and I am sure everyone who lives the singe pringle life feels this longing for attention and affection sometime or another as well.

BUT………

I long for the type of love that is completely faithful and truthful.  I long for someone who will look at me in that indescribable way. I long for someone who makes me feel safe and at ease. I long for that person that I can say is my soulmate.

I don’t want to settle for less. I don’t want to just put myself out there and be used by useless men or women. I won’t let myself be treated like a side chick or some toy.

Yes, I am ok being single. No, I won’t sacrifice my singleness for some one night stand or temporary pleasure (been there done that).

Being single has let me discover the true treasures that lie within me. Treasures that consist of strength,courage, and wisdom.

It has also opened my eyes to the true beauty of real and genuine friendships.

I have one friend in particular who I have grown really close to these past few months. Our friendship is indescribable and unique.  We tell each other that we love each other and have cuddled while watching Netflix, but there is no pressure to be something I am not or do something that goes against my personal boundaries.  This friendship has shown me that I can feel affection in a different way….. in a non pressuring and non stressful way. And for that, I am truly grateful.

Anyways, I do hope that one day God will show me who my future husband or wife is and I hope to create a family and a loving home, but for now, I am pretty content being a single pringle.

pring

So if you don’t have a significant other, join me and every other single pringle 🙂

And remember, it’s okay to mingle….

If you so choose, but choose wisely!

 

May God bless and watch over YOU always ❤

-Jen